someday i'll be nostalgic for this.

sick boy, sad soul.

2008-04-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

"Passion is deadly and so is my rock 'n' roll crime of word".

Your name is Alfonso.

2008-04-22T13:29:00.000-07:00

But I'm gonna call you Alfie.

So, hello Alfie. I think we're going to be great friends.

I'm gonna post a new video in just a second. first I have to eat a cracker. After i post the video I'm gonna go out to shop for a denim jacket to replace my old one. I might visit my mom at work and Megan since she works under my mom's work.

I've been reading Sylvia Plath poems all morning. This is my new favorite poem of hers. It's called Aftermath:
Compelled by calamity's magnet
They loiter and stare as if the house
Burnt-out were theirs, or as if they thought
Some scandal might any minute ooze
From a smoke-choked closet into light;
No deaths, no prodigious injuries
Glut these hunters after an old meat,
Blood-spoor of the austere tragedies.

Mother Medea in a green smock
Moves humbly as any housewife through
Her ruined apartments, taking stock
Of charred shoes, the sodden upholstery:
Cheated of the pyre and the rack,
The crowd sucks her last tear and turns away.

Fucking UNREAL how amazing she is. xo.

i think my social anxiety at a stand-still.

2008-04-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

seattle, wa - april 16th, 2008.

I went out tonight. I was talked into going to Hooters. I ate shitty fries and almost hula-hooped. I then carpooled with a friend to this party at some house that, i was surprised to find, was the residence of an old friend I haven't seen in something like three years. After him there was a large flow of more old friends. even a couple new ones...well, maybe not friends. acquaintances, we'll say. I saw Kudus, too. He's gonna play drums in my new band, The Agnus Dei. You'll be diggin' on that stuff soon enough. but, until then, it's a secret. So, shhhhh.

I just noticed something... I've been talking to you like a person and not a blog. I feel like this is less of a "Dear Diary" situation and more of a "Oh hey! What's up?" kinda deal. you need a name. I'm gonna think of a name for you. I thought of a great cat name the other day (Aleister Meowley), so I'm sure i can think of a good blog name, too. I promise, by next entry, you won't be some anonymous mystery blog anymore. We'll be pals.

Here's some photos from getting home tonight...

I got home and had something to drink. These are the sunglasses I wore the majority of the night, just cause I'm a weird middle-balance between shy recluse and shithead.

Earlier I glued a angel prayer medallion on my guitar. i still have to clean up the dried glue around it.

Makin' jammmmmms!

Speaking of jams, I heard the Space Jam soundtrack tonight.

Anyways, I had a really good conversation with an old friend Debra, whom I've known since I was in infant. I told her about how I really need to travel. She understands cause she use to travel a lot in the same way. She use to hitch and train hop. when she worked for American Airlines, she had this card that would let her go anywhere. She use to just go to the airport and, whichever plane pulled into the nearest terminal first, she would hop on. She told me all these great stories of going to Beles and Europe and all over. She then told me about how, when she was younger, retraced Kerouac's steps from On the Road, which is soooo awesome. I don't care how many people did it at that time. Anyways, we talked about how my depression and showed me that it was brought on by the fact that i feel so old and lonely and that I'm a shut in who needs to travel and go into the wild. We talked about electricity and time travel (my two favorite scientific subjects). She told me that there's really no such thing as time. That blew my mind. She said that the past is never, the present is nothing but split seconds, and the future is forever. She helped me realize that i just need to live for the sake of living. We also talked about nature and how natural occurances in great scale are a great way to identify yourself as a person. It reminded me of when I sat atop that great big canyon outside of Cheyanne and watched the thunderstorm ravish the city with nothing around be but Kenny, animal noises, and the night. It was so beautiful. Just to think that we were completely natural at that moment. Everything was natural, aside from our flashlights and our clothing. For lack of a better term (and I really feel weird about using this word, fyi), it was spiritual.

The talk made me feel really good, which is great. Especially since not much else does these days. Is nice to know someone gets it as opposed to either numbing enthusiasm due to lack of knowledge on the subject or someone with an absolute abrasive attitude towards to it. she's the only person in the world that can tell me I'm doing something stupid and I believe.

Ok, still no name for you yet, but I'll think of one. I promise. xo.

I feel like Eddie Valiant entering Toon Town.

2008-04-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

seattle, wa - march 29th.

I visited my mother at work today. She works at the Convention and Trade Center in Seattle and, though me visiting her at work is quite common, this time was special. They were hosting the 2008 Sakura-Con. It's the Anime Convention. It was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. Walking around was absolutely surreal...luckily I had my camera.

In the corner of the green paper, it looks like it says "V.D. Baby". Mr. Yuck was hanging out, too.

The loneliest photo I've ever taken.

my mother ordering some food next to a Druid Wizard from Alpha-4TG.

Pikachu eating lunch with her bored dad.

i was excited to hear someone sampling the Bloodhound Gang in their J-Pop song.

This is a woman (or elven warrior nymph?) complaining to our friend Dave about someone hassling her and her warrior friends. That's Dave trying his best to look concerned. He did an alright job at it.

Eating a veggie burger in the back offices listening to Joe Tex.

Yeah, dig it. Twin cops.

A nerd with headgear that looks like Doc's future sunglasses in Back to the Future II and my mom mid-blink.

In the elevator. In front of me there was a girl in an orange straight jacket with a full hood that had eye holes cut into it.
I had no idea anything orange could be scary. I wasn't scared, though. She was immobile.

Coolest bumper sticker ever.

There was a fat convention at the anime convention, as well. Not many knew about it, though, cause those were most certainly not the only fat guys there.

I think they were measuring how big each other's swords were.

and last but not least, ANIME KARAOKE!

oh, and these are the boots i wore all day...

what a weeeeird day. xo.

how does a man with a gun smoke a cigarette?

2008-04-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

Simone: "How does a man with a gun smoke a cigarette?"

Pierre: "Well, I guess it all depends. Does he intend on firing this cigarette?"

Simone: "Well, wouldn't he?"

Pierre: "In that case, I guess he smokes his gun like this..."

weird week.

2008-03-25T23:28:00.000-07:00

seattle/tacoma, wa - march 24th -25th.

It's been a strange week thus far, and it's only tuesday. I've done a lot of things. Everything from train hopping to hitch hiking to filming the first scene of a film I'm making to fist fights to many other things. I now find myself sitting here with a piece of half-devoured pink chocolate cake, numb legs, a mouth full of yawns, friends and their crisis' on instant messenger, and a broken record player that just won't spin my Lee Andrews and the Hearts record. All the while, missing a girl that's not my girl. Lord knows, she's no ones. I have a lot of explaining to do I guess, so I'll just let the pictures do the talking. I couldn't muster another word being as that I'm pushing my 34th hour of no sleep.

i had this.

it became this.

now i have this.

cake face.

"Oh wind, if Winter comes, can Spring be far behind?" - P.B. Shelley.

My Winter has been here for a long, long time. For too long, I'd say. Favorably or unfavorably, Spring is nowhere to be seen.

good morning. xo.

crispin lover.

2008-01-13T02:28:00.000-08:00

seattle, wa - january 10th & 12th.

Crispin Hellion Glover was in town this week to promote his new film "It Is Fine! Everything Is Fine!", and I was in attendance. On the 10th he showed his new film and on the 12th, he showed the first film in the "It" trilogy, "What Is It?". Both very different, yet very thought provoking films. I liked both very much and recommend others seeing them, if possible. I preticularly liked "What Is It?" due to the multiple taboos (Blackface, a young nude Shirley Temple in front of a swastika, a full cast of people with Down's Syndrome, etc.) and the influence he took from Warner Herzog and Luis Bunuel. Later he told me that both were in mind when he made the film along with Stanley Kubrick, which I don't think I would have thought of without him telling me.

I took advantage of the opportunity to buy his 3 books he has published (they're virtually impossible to find in Seattle). He also offered to sign them, which i thought was very nice of him.

Oak Mot

Rat Catching

Concrete Inspection

We spoke about how art is accepted so easily in Seattle and Portland. I told him about how I was raised here and he told me how he just bought property in the Czech Republic. From what he tells me, it's an awesome old house from the 16th century. The third film in the "It" trilogy, called "It Is Mine" will be executive produced by David Lynch. Here's the trailers for his two films.

"What Is It?" trailer

"It Is Fine! Everything Is Fine" trailer

Crispin Hellion Glover's Big Slide Show

Quite good. xo.

2008 Resolutions.

2008-01-04T16:39:00.000-08:00

- Abandon CDs completely and resort back to vinyl only.

- Finish the first Do What Thou Wilt record.

- Tour in support of that record.

- Get around to getting a driver's license.

- Get a real job, even if it's awful.

- Quit being broke.

- Go to New York with Jess and live out of the Chelsea for a little while.

- Possibly move to San Francisco.

- Start DJing again.

- Finish my "Society of Deceit" paintings

- Start my "Strange Girls Doing Strange Things" short film series.

- Make my first full-length feature film.

Long shots? Yes, problably, but I just need to write these down somewhere to refer to them. xo.

grab the shovel, harold.

2007-12-26T05:35:00.000-08:00

san francisco, ca - december 18th.

Here are some absolutely amazing photographs done by Jessica using a CMEHA SMENA 8M.

I am in love with these shots. Her work with double exposure looks incredible. xo.

i've come to wish you an unhappy birthday.

2007-12-26T05:19:00.000-08:00

los angeles, ca - december 17th.

It's my birthday. I feel like I'm about 73.

"I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday,

because you're evil and you lie,

and if you should die; I might feel slightly sad,

but I won't cry." xo.

i gotta get me a sylvia plath.

2007-12-26T03:25:00.000-08:00

los angeles, ca - december 15th.

Travis and I ate at Swingers.

Later that night, we met up with Jessica.

We snuck into/broke into this amazing apartment building to frolic in the courtyard and on the roof. Jessica, Travis, and I romped around for an hour or two then left, but we took a few good photos.

The majority of these were taken by Jessica (Elephant Bones).

All of these were administered by yours truly.

While Travis was sitting in this chair for the photo, it began to break under him, hence the grin.

I find it very important that you must look your best when committing felonies.

Dapper as fuck...as always. xo.

seasick, yet still docked.

2007-12-21T06:12:00.000-08:00

The first day (if you can call the 5 hours we spent there a "day") wasn't very exciting.

No parking. No direction. No interest. No energy.

The second visit went much, much better...but I don't want to get ahead of myself.

late night, maudlin street.

2007-12-17T14:55:00.000-08:00

falling out the window with confetti in my hair.

2007-12-16T15:19:00.000-08:00

portland, or - december 13th, 2007

We left Seattle and got in to Portland around 8 and met with Becca.

This is her dog named Milo and her mother named Mom.

She was kind and let us invade all of her living room surfaces.

We went to this diner called Roxy's. It was occupied by drifters and trannies.

I've never felt so at home.

It also had one of the best jukeboxes I've ever seen.

I put in a few dollars for 7 plays.

I played NIck Cave, Tom Waits, Pulp, Iggy Pop, Devo, and Kraftwerk

I then played Willie Nealson's "Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys".

Soon there after, the entire diner grew more lively and began to all sing along.

They also spelled "vegitarian" wrong, but in a place like that, i'm not so sure it was a mistake.

We then went back to Becca's house and watched "Kalifornia".

Ricky ate all the cookies.

NEXT STOP: San Francisco. xo.

"on this glorious occasion...

2007-12-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

...of this splendid defeat." xo.