i think my social anxiety at a stand-still.

seattle, wa - april 16th, 2008.

I went out tonight. I was talked into going to Hooters. I ate shitty fries and almost hula-hooped. I then carpooled with a friend to this party at some house that, i was surprised to find, was the residence of an old friend I haven't seen in something like three years. After him there was a large flow of more old friends. even a couple new ones...well, maybe not friends. acquaintances, we'll say. I saw Kudus, too. He's gonna play drums in my new band, The Agnus Dei. You'll be diggin' on that stuff soon enough. but, until then, it's a secret. So, shhhhh.

I just noticed something... I've been talking to you like a person and not a blog. I feel like this is less of a "Dear Diary" situation and more of a "Oh hey! What's up?" kinda deal. you need a name. I'm gonna think of a name for you. I thought of a great cat name the other day (Aleister Meowley), so I'm sure i can think of a good blog name, too. I promise, by next entry, you won't be some anonymous mystery blog anymore. We'll be pals.

Here's some photos from getting home tonight...

I got home and had something to drink. These are the sunglasses I wore the majority of the night, just cause I'm a weird middle-balance between shy recluse and shithead.


Earlier I glued a angel prayer medallion on my guitar. i still have to clean up the dried glue around it.


Makin' jammmmmms!


Speaking of jams, I heard the Space Jam soundtrack tonight.

Anyways, I had a really good conversation with an old friend Debra, whom I've known since I was in infant. I told her about how I really need to travel. She understands cause she use to travel a lot in the same way. She use to hitch and train hop. when she worked for American Airlines, she had this card that would let her go anywhere. She use to just go to the airport and, whichever plane pulled into the nearest terminal first, she would hop on. She told me all these great stories of going to Beles and Europe and all over. She then told me about how, when she was younger, retraced Kerouac's steps from On the Road, which is soooo awesome. I don't care how many people did it at that time. Anyways, we talked about how my depression and showed me that it was brought on by the fact that i feel so old and lonely and that I'm a shut in who needs to travel and go into the wild. We talked about electricity and time travel (my two favorite scientific subjects). She told me that there's really no such thing as time. That blew my mind. She said that the past is never, the present is nothing but split seconds, and the future is forever. She helped me realize that i just need to live for the sake of living. We also talked about nature and how natural occurances in great scale are a great way to identify yourself as a person. It reminded me of when I sat atop that great big canyon outside of Cheyanne and watched the thunderstorm ravish the city with nothing around be but Kenny, animal noises, and the night. It was so beautiful. Just to think that we were completely natural at that moment. Everything was natural, aside from our flashlights and our clothing. For lack of a better term (and I really feel weird about using this word, fyi), it was spiritual.

The talk made me feel really good, which is great. Especially since not much else does these days. Is nice to know someone gets it as opposed to either numbing enthusiasm due to lack of knowledge on the subject or someone with an absolute abrasive attitude towards to it. she's the only person in the world that can tell me I'm doing something stupid and I believe.

Ok, still no name for you yet, but I'll think of one. I promise. xo.